Chosen by Mess

Do you ever feel that your life such a waste? Choose a thing that you totally know its gonna be so wrong? Or don't even choose a move? I was there and I couldn't choose any, If I could I wouldn't choose this life. Why? I have no reason for it. Thing I know is, God just terrible for made me alive.

...

I born in very well family, they are liberal. Every son of dad could choose whatever they want. Choose, even they were no options. The only border what dad make is to stay in peace, especially on religion things. He don't say religion is bad, but here the people don't take the responsibility for their peace. What I got is this all fake, knowing the concept of religion is bringing the peaceful in life and what happen is just the otherwise (I live in Indonesia, where the culture insist that privacy of life with God should have a kind of manner). I know culture have no compromise, but you should agree this also not so that right. That idea grows in me. The point is we dad's could freely choose our own life, the boundary is just keep peace in life and in love. He makes me thinks this way. But thats good, I really respect that thoughts and I choose to agree about the things that he said.

I've been grew in the very artistic tone since so young. I made thousand papers doodled by ink and got appreciate by friends at that time. I got very introvert life those old days, but that was fading in no time. I got into little bit rebel soon, I don't know but I feel so rebel at my secondary school. Untill I grown up and know how exciting this life was, I found friends in the high school whose introducting me the culture of pop life and grown my art sense there and so on. They brought me foward to the art school at university age. Here not now but at that time, this introvert characters of mine bit crossed. I felt walk in the middle, but I know this wouldn't be that gone. I like being me. And back to the point, all those ways that chosen is really based on my own opinion. Dad and mom never doubt my choice, never. So I do my best on my choice.

Then I graduated, as graphic designer. I hadn't feel this kind of confuse to pass a step of my life. Should I choose some job? Should I choose my design career? Or into artsery things? Should I choose work overseas because in this so lovely country my profession have a hell of heaven perspective? That was really confusing where you got a step to choose but you dont have any ideas what is your vision was. It was changing by second. This why I told you if I could choose, I wouldn't choose this life. But, I was deciding, I'm walking randomly now, also don't know what will happen next on me. A plan? Yes I had plenty, some of those lost hope, and the others were forgoten. This all crap always gives me a holy-ultimate-questiona to God, that really gives a super-silence-answer there. I believe You were there and I know my brain couldn't reach You by logic, but You the one that did me, genius. Screw for my life that couldn't even understand for.

I have choose many things after. I've been fallen many times. I waste my years in the experimental day with has no future, there so much thing want to do but I dont know the way how to do it, stuck on daily life, cheat-lies-shitting for the name called love, lying to myself, have a crush to things that shouldn't, choose career that's feel so sketchy, ever disappointed best pal into hole, failed work overseas, those seven sins that grows in mind by day (I am not that bad, trust me). Things that very core in problem is I still don't know whether I go, future. This life would be a mess when you don't have future plan out there, vision. Big mess. Since that this all mess just bring me my brain chillin'.  I got something. This all mess. Yes I mention a lot of mess word. But honestly this is real important step in my life. This all mess make the current me alive. All of those mess build me up, here the man who write on the back on this blog. Even things all just mess, it is precious I guess. This mess is art. I choose walk on this all mess I've done, and keep going with better shit, ofcourse.

....

Maybe this cheesy feeling of mine so fvckng late seven hundred years to brought up as crap of thoughts. Holiway, I just feel thats all mess that I've done in my life seems right. Yes, seems right. Right here right now I keep going, I have choose life that lying on my mess.

Keep on peace, lads!

Every strands tells stories

Do you know how many times I went to barber to cut my hair along my whole life? I tell you, I can use my own fingers to count it up. The first. the second and the third I cutted when I was on elementary school. The fourth, after I cought by hair sweep when I was on Junior high school  (I got very hardcore unshaped hair untill I couldn't make it up by my self even dad) . The Fiveth, when I was with my girl friend trying to cut with style for the reason of wanting to be head-message (silly? I don't think so, I enjoy the gently message ;9). The rest event, my dad did it untill I am cool enough to do it by myself (started at high school). Give me FIVE, That's all I can remember, five a singe hand five.

This day I made a cut too. And not as I usually do, because I played a bit with it. It's disgusting? no doubt I guess ;9

How is it? Fun, eh? I had it that time ;9

Knowing how every strands keep grows after sheared makes a little bit thought in mind. This life is kind a walking on the circle. Today happy-tommorow sad, yesterday lover-yesteryear enemy, man born-die comes soonly. Just feel this world walks by that and I have no idea why they make a fastly walk even running. Everything gonna passed by, no matter how much you try, how long you stand, and like I said we're gonna die anyway. But, I believe this world much discoverable and keep unfair to keep you trying. It is good to make this life valuable. What I am trying to point it out is, how the sadness comes and be a matter for you if this life keep going as it be.

When you feel sad so bad and couldn't even sleep in bed why you don't try to erase it. It will feel hard when you think harder could even be easier when we think it's easy. We know that literally, metaphorly. How the strands tell stories, how they sheared. It's gone like no one care where it goes. In my thought, this life just like those strands that gathered to be called as hair. When your hair getting dizzily long, just take a cut. When you feel bored with you hair, just cut. When you dont like the way it shaped, just cut. When you feel old-fashioned, cut. When you adore someone's hair, cut. Even when you dont have reason to do anything, cut.

In some case we will find that the style no come as we want, you could cover it up or something but the exact thing that we have to do is just wait. Because wait is the only way to forget, I mean time. Because wait is the distance that make heart cured or else. And because of wait hair will grows as young as we go, as our life goes on.

Left From The Darkness

The fourth of June the sky collapsed
Those memories faded into the darkness
The time frozen, lied on the lapse
With no one care about the carelessness

A saint wears a mask of holy
The sheep follows with mind of endless
Deep cry no one hear, truth heard rarely
No one care of his carelessness

So bold the Time told that old
You could sees through the horizon of own mind
Your mask frozen, broken in the years of cold
Own heart is nude, Why you still mind?

Sheep crestfallen and whisper,
"You couldn't that bad I won't sad"

He decide to wander through the mist of her,
Defined the canine prick his head

The way much undefine as the vanished sky
He steps his belief, even the light burn as seven noon
He lefted the darkness to found her back in another day
In the fourth of June