Chosen by Mess

Do you ever feel that your life such a waste? Choose a thing that you totally know its gonna be so wrong? Or don't even choose a move? I was there and I couldn't choose any, If I could I wouldn't choose this life. Why? I have no reason for it. Thing I know is, God just terrible for made me alive.

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I born in very well family, they are liberal. Every son of dad could choose whatever they want. Choose, even they were no options. The only border what dad make is to stay in peace, especially on religion things. He don't say religion is bad, but here the people don't take the responsibility for their peace. What I got is this all fake, knowing the concept of religion is bringing the peaceful in life and what happen is just the otherwise (I live in Indonesia, where the culture insist that privacy of life with God should have a kind of manner). I know culture have no compromise, but you should agree this also not so that right. That idea grows in me. The point is we dad's could freely choose our own life, the boundary is just keep peace in life and in love. He makes me thinks this way. But thats good, I really respect that thoughts and I choose to agree about the things that he said.

I've been grew in the very artistic tone since so young. I made thousand papers doodled by ink and got appreciate by friends at that time. I got very introvert life those old days, but that was fading in no time. I got into little bit rebel soon, I don't know but I feel so rebel at my secondary school. Untill I grown up and know how exciting this life was, I found friends in the high school whose introducting me the culture of pop life and grown my art sense there and so on. They brought me foward to the art school at university age. Here not now but at that time, this introvert characters of mine bit crossed. I felt walk in the middle, but I know this wouldn't be that gone. I like being me. And back to the point, all those ways that chosen is really based on my own opinion. Dad and mom never doubt my choice, never. So I do my best on my choice.

Then I graduated, as graphic designer. I hadn't feel this kind of confuse to pass a step of my life. Should I choose some job? Should I choose my design career? Or into artsery things? Should I choose work overseas because in this so lovely country my profession have a hell of heaven perspective? That was really confusing where you got a step to choose but you dont have any ideas what is your vision was. It was changing by second. This why I told you if I could choose, I wouldn't choose this life. But, I was deciding, I'm walking randomly now, also don't know what will happen next on me. A plan? Yes I had plenty, some of those lost hope, and the others were forgoten. This all crap always gives me a holy-ultimate-questiona to God, that really gives a super-silence-answer there. I believe You were there and I know my brain couldn't reach You by logic, but You the one that did me, genius. Screw for my life that couldn't even understand for.

I have choose many things after. I've been fallen many times. I waste my years in the experimental day with has no future, there so much thing want to do but I dont know the way how to do it, stuck on daily life, cheat-lies-shitting for the name called love, lying to myself, have a crush to things that shouldn't, choose career that's feel so sketchy, ever disappointed best pal into hole, failed work overseas, those seven sins that grows in mind by day (I am not that bad, trust me). Things that very core in problem is I still don't know whether I go, future. This life would be a mess when you don't have future plan out there, vision. Big mess. Since that this all mess just bring me my brain chillin'.  I got something. This all mess. Yes I mention a lot of mess word. But honestly this is real important step in my life. This all mess make the current me alive. All of those mess build me up, here the man who write on the back on this blog. Even things all just mess, it is precious I guess. This mess is art. I choose walk on this all mess I've done, and keep going with better shit, ofcourse.

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Maybe this cheesy feeling of mine so fvckng late seven hundred years to brought up as crap of thoughts. Holiway, I just feel thats all mess that I've done in my life seems right. Yes, seems right. Right here right now I keep going, I have choose life that lying on my mess.

Keep on peace, lads!