Dwimutia Anindia

Ini adalah sebuah paragraf tentang seorang individu yang menghabiskan nafas dalam hidupnya untuk mengetahui kesempurnaan. Di bawah langit, menginjak bumi, menghirup oksigen, dan bermuatan jaringan internet, apakah yang dia cari? Rasa keingintahuan atas kesempurnaan. Berusaha menilai atau membenarkan opini subjektif yang berlandaskan ego, atau memiliki hasrat untuk menebar cinta kasih, atau mungkin hanya sebatas ingin tersenyum wkwkwk.

*itu cuma umpan klik aka click bait.

Saya hanya ingin individu yang membaca ini berjanji untuk mengerti definisi <3 sesungguhnya, bukan dari film atau novel romansa, lagu, atau apapunlah itu, agar kita damai sentosa dalam perbedaan.

A: "Kenapa kau makan ikan?"

B: "Karena aku <3 ikan."

A: "Oh, kamu <3 ikan. Makannya kamu ambil ikan itu dari air, kamu bunuh, lalu kamu masak. Jangan bilang padaku kamu <3 ikan. Kamu hanya <3 dirimu sendiri dan karena ikan rasanya enak buat kamu, maka dari itu kamu bunuh, lalu kamu masak!"


Sekilas. Salam sayang dan damai.
wkwkwk.

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instagram:
@tokowekaweka

Me Against The World.

In every word I said was wrong,
 I realize that in exact moment back then.
Then why?
I just won't
forget it.

Chosen by Mess

Do you ever feel that your life such a waste? Choose a thing that you totally know its gonna be so wrong? Or don't even choose a move? I was there and I couldn't choose any, If I could I wouldn't choose this life. Why? I have no reason for it. Thing I know is, God just terrible for made me alive.

...

I born in very well family, they are liberal. Every son of dad could choose whatever they want. Choose, even they were no options. The only border what dad make is to stay in peace, especially on religion things. He don't say religion is bad, but here the people don't take the responsibility for their peace. What I got is this all fake, knowing the concept of religion is bringing the peaceful in life and what happen is just the otherwise (I live in Indonesia, where the culture insist that privacy of life with God should have a kind of manner). I know culture have no compromise, but you should agree this also not so that right. That idea grows in me. The point is we dad's could freely choose our own life, the boundary is just keep peace in life and in love. He makes me thinks this way. But thats good, I really respect that thoughts and I choose to agree about the things that he said.

I've been grew in the very artistic tone since so young. I made thousand papers doodled by ink and got appreciate by friends at that time. I got very introvert life those old days, but that was fading in no time. I got into little bit rebel soon, I don't know but I feel so rebel at my secondary school. Untill I grown up and know how exciting this life was, I found friends in the high school whose introducting me the culture of pop life and grown my art sense there and so on. They brought me foward to the art school at university age. Here not now but at that time, this introvert characters of mine bit crossed. I felt walk in the middle, but I know this wouldn't be that gone. I like being me. And back to the point, all those ways that chosen is really based on my own opinion. Dad and mom never doubt my choice, never. So I do my best on my choice.

Then I graduated, as graphic designer. I hadn't feel this kind of confuse to pass a step of my life. Should I choose some job? Should I choose my design career? Or into artsery things? Should I choose work overseas because in this so lovely country my profession have a hell of heaven perspective? That was really confusing where you got a step to choose but you dont have any ideas what is your vision was. It was changing by second. This why I told you if I could choose, I wouldn't choose this life. But, I was deciding, I'm walking randomly now, also don't know what will happen next on me. A plan? Yes I had plenty, some of those lost hope, and the others were forgoten. This all crap always gives me a holy-ultimate-questiona to God, that really gives a super-silence-answer there. I believe You were there and I know my brain couldn't reach You by logic, but You the one that did me, genius. Screw for my life that couldn't even understand for.

I have choose many things after. I've been fallen many times. I waste my years in the experimental day with has no future, there so much thing want to do but I dont know the way how to do it, stuck on daily life, cheat-lies-shitting for the name called love, lying to myself, have a crush to things that shouldn't, choose career that's feel so sketchy, ever disappointed best pal into hole, failed work overseas, those seven sins that grows in mind by day (I am not that bad, trust me). Things that very core in problem is I still don't know whether I go, future. This life would be a mess when you don't have future plan out there, vision. Big mess. Since that this all mess just bring me my brain chillin'.  I got something. This all mess. Yes I mention a lot of mess word. But honestly this is real important step in my life. This all mess make the current me alive. All of those mess build me up, here the man who write on the back on this blog. Even things all just mess, it is precious I guess. This mess is art. I choose walk on this all mess I've done, and keep going with better shit, ofcourse.

....

Maybe this cheesy feeling of mine so fvckng late seven hundred years to brought up as crap of thoughts. Holiway, I just feel thats all mess that I've done in my life seems right. Yes, seems right. Right here right now I keep going, I have choose life that lying on my mess.

Keep on peace, lads!

The Rest of Balance

See the world turns every people's mind, include me. They're learning, believing, and creating. Some of those realized that world is temporary and enough, some of those been trying on their infinite greedness. Some of those keep on their belief and changing to be a trend, while some more just sit and wait for another change. I believe there is no truely wrong nor right. This realm is balancing against its self. If I should choose, I'll do blending than changing. I prefer to see far from there, where the vision is clear and not detached from life it self. Because I just feel it is more interesting to see those mind crush. As a subject, I am the rest of  that contrast that keep on that side, pretending. Like if you hit me, I'll hit you back.
You know what I mean? No, you don't.

The Concept of Veil

I've this thought. This thought is about my believe that every people just make up on their self from whether they're dying or happy, insidely. Everything can't be seen by the way it is, almost everything in this world were veiled by mute thread. See how today you found a milionaire that easily buy an Island as own living home, have a wonderful meal while he was on his private jet to go through business, have a beautiful wife and everything seems happy with all of those. And remind yesterday you saw a kind of homeless, was sleeping straight blocked your way ahead to work, looked like he hasn't a meal almost for everyday and whatever wild example that was on your mind. And yes, they also have it. They have a scraft that completely veiled their life. Or maybe not exactly veiled but more into the way that we don't know what inside them.

Imagined; they the one that know everything best about their self (I mean, the milionaire and the homeless) have meet each other. The milionaire had a look that the homeless has a sad life and everything wrong whereas not even exactly true. In otherwise, the homeless think that the milionaire has a great-rich-happy life. I guess I'll throw a respond as vaguely no, even more into surely. Take view out from that box, the basic concept of their life are still the same. They have problem. They experienced happy and sad feeling. They're the same, a living creature of this realm, specificly - human being.

It is prevail to any all human kind, race, caste, rich, poor, pal, or anything else close to you. Back to the closest case of mine, at the time I found this thought. I was wagging on facebook and saw how my friends happy on their life are. They're posted the photo of holiday, the stories of marriages, they're have a great weekend and everything about nice event in this dizzy world. It was very damn interesting. But you know, envy is obvious human thing. I just have this thought that when others looks happy, the comparison upon ourself grows in mind. The respond can be anything. In the depress way the heart can't be lie start asking, why they have a good life? what we have done? why we just different? life wasn't that fair, was it? Between this experience of mine and all things I seen, I am generalizing this depress respond. The got hte sum that people don't get the contentment against their self, they just see how happy others life are and how full of lackness they own life are. We should know by now that they neatly veiled or the veil never be transparent to be knew that we're actually the same.

And maybe we weren't realize yet that we was there, we ever stayed on the opposite side. We ever felt happy while some of those was throwing their envyness at us. It is another example that we're actually the same. He has it, she has either. We have it. Everyone have this all broken. We live on the box that made us think in the circle.

Maybe they have another purpose, also I don't give any matter. I am happy with it. The problem was on my ownself that we should never try to feel that bad. Back to believe that they just veiled, intentionally or unintentionally, have a same life nor problem to go through their end. I guess, grateful is the best way to made it all stoned.

Just if those veils seen-through, the world could be better. Also we will deserve this all lackness because we're the same. But if we have an option between milionaire to homeless, why we choose quickly at milionaire? Could we grateful for all of thesse fate's trap?  Or this thought just prevail to an average people??

Journey of Rent Room

I went to capital city of Indonesia. Haah!! Summer on Jakarta is like cupping a coffee with sugar madly-musty free. At that time my purpose was searching a rent room for a while. I sign a contract for my further company and guess who gonna merge with those Big Durianesse next week? You rite, this fucking silly soul of me. This is the trouble I am talking about back then. Where mostly supported by a plan that now buried because of some reason..

Like I said it was very madly-mustly, and the worst is my mind avoid to lend bit argo. I was walking, unaccompanied. During my walk, I found interesting thing about this old town called Batavia, impressionally. The more I keep my feet step a walk, the more curiosity comes to mind. I seen by my own sight, this how Jakarta works. She is a queen that sit in the contrast of big vile veiled by rich and greed.

I could describe the first moment, those street so white, the surface so space, but yes the traffic was crowd. You could seen a car, big building, person walk by person nothing interesting. That was just ordinary surface of Jakarta. I still could describe the second moment of ambience, I ever been on the more rustier than in alley passed a group of smoking people doing cards while they wife whispering his son who do suck a shocking pink ice cream from plastic packaging I dont know what it is called. But in the third moment, I couldnt say. I m not trying to make you guess or imagine something, but this is the worst of jakarta. This is the third moment. I couldn't describe this. That was pure rusty, I just can tell the impression that would keep your heart feel dominated by black. The eyes that look at you in very pry up in the retina. The answer that real random and you really mind to ask back. You can say I am too much, but you would agree that even Perkampungan-Cihampelas-Bandung is much much better than this place.

Yes, that was interesting sight.

In that moment, I don't know. I am not brave enough to take a picture of them. Because in some event (twice actually) they trying to strip my wallet, how come if I brought SLR with me. In the first time, I give my smoke and I was pretending like don't have any money because I lost my wallet. The second time, I don't give a shit, I choose ran, ran into da crowd. My suggestion is, stay from a quite place and keep accompanied friend or sharps, they come with lie like do hypnotism and then your wallet as topic!

At last I suited into a room after 3-4 hours walking, I feel so tired right now. It is worth experience that I regret and wont feel it again. hha

Hope luck always be with you!

Every strands tells stories

Do you know how many times I went to barber to cut my hair along my whole life? I tell you, I can use my own fingers to count it up. The first. the second and the third I cutted when I was on elementary school. The fourth, after I cought by hair sweep when I was on Junior high school  (I got very hardcore unshaped hair untill I couldn't make it up by my self even dad) . The Fiveth, when I was with my girl friend trying to cut with style for the reason of wanting to be head-message (silly? I don't think so, I enjoy the gently message ;9). The rest event, my dad did it untill I am cool enough to do it by myself (started at high school). Give me FIVE, That's all I can remember, five a singe hand five.

This day I made a cut too. And not as I usually do, because I played a bit with it. It's disgusting? no doubt I guess ;9

How is it? Fun, eh? I had it that time ;9

Knowing how every strands keep grows after sheared makes a little bit thought in mind. This life is kind a walking on the circle. Today happy-tommorow sad, yesterday lover-yesteryear enemy, man born-die comes soonly. Just feel this world walks by that and I have no idea why they make a fastly walk even running. Everything gonna passed by, no matter how much you try, how long you stand, and like I said we're gonna die anyway. But, I believe this world much discoverable and keep unfair to keep you trying. It is good to make this life valuable. What I am trying to point it out is, how the sadness comes and be a matter for you if this life keep going as it be.

When you feel sad so bad and couldn't even sleep in bed why you don't try to erase it. It will feel hard when you think harder could even be easier when we think it's easy. We know that literally, metaphorly. How the strands tell stories, how they sheared. It's gone like no one care where it goes. In my thought, this life just like those strands that gathered to be called as hair. When your hair getting dizzily long, just take a cut. When you feel bored with you hair, just cut. When you dont like the way it shaped, just cut. When you feel old-fashioned, cut. When you adore someone's hair, cut. Even when you dont have reason to do anything, cut.

In some case we will find that the style no come as we want, you could cover it up or something but the exact thing that we have to do is just wait. Because wait is the only way to forget, I mean time. Because wait is the distance that make heart cured or else. And because of wait hair will grows as young as we go, as our life goes on.

Somebody you used to know?

Yes it is, Gotye. It is a good song actually but it just wasn't fit with my situation right now. The lyric tells something, some purpose trying to be said and it is very personal.

The song undirectly given, found the lyric has a negative response upon my plan #1. I don't know, it's made me thinking for a while. I think I shouldn't back bothering those visions, minds and time. Hm, yes it's getting rough.. (damn world!)

Anyway, I still plan to take the job and in another mission of finding a new life.

Meet you at the intersection!

Quarter life crisis's thought

I've been thinking for the future me since the time I forbid my mother to slip money into my pocket, since I graduated from my college. What is my future will? Now I am alone and just have responsible to my ownself. I could do whatever I want, but when I think about the future my mind blows instead. I found confusing mind (many options that unconsistent stay to be choosen) in my future, right from there I decided to go rich, as rich as I could and rethink what my future will after I had enough capital. Nobody can tell how hard I work day-night on the lapse.. (I work at home)

As long as that thought my right arm getting broken, and my back follows afterward. Much I push my self much the pains yells. This condition really disappointing. I realize this realm told me something, I should more appreciate my life. But it was happen wrongly too, I lose my passion because I am too much justifying about this. I am getting lazier than usual, and the time goes broke with it.

Later the memories back, the thought that remind me about what my future will be..

My question about future distorted, now I am asking another question "what is this life meaning for?

This condition well know as quarter life crisis (the words that I found from my colleague friend's blog). And I found the answer and agreed that your life is means to be happy. Whatever your plans are, go as long as you happy with it. Nothing worth than makes yourself happy.

And from now I try to life with it.

The Plan #1

My life getting wasted. The problem of failure haunts me and I didn't experienced it. Couple months sitting in the deep of hommy airport wasn't a great idea for my young blood. Arrogance gives me nothing except a motionless-deaf-mute best friend of mine, Vostro 1088.

Minority minds changed. Long distance problem never be solved. I add my sickness failure into it and become worst decision ever. First time I feel alone in this world since five years passed. Will the death comes soon after (oh my, what I've wrote). At last, no more no less I move on.

To find life and happiness I decided to get into troubles, and this trouble confusing early. It's confusing nor exciting. How come? I got a chance to choose whether a famous brand that give you cheap or an unknow brand that give you much. I still dont know what will I choose. But the main plan still on the way, the reason I choose trouble.

I am gonna back!

15 june

I dont want this.